help or hindrance?

Since about 3:00 yesterday afternoon it has snowed six inches. Currently, my children and one of their friends are lying face down in the snow so they can lick it. Hopefully they don’t come across any yellow patches! This morning I have been walking around the disaster I call home wondering where on earth to begin. Should I try to find my kitchen counter so I can make lunch and clutter it again in an hour? Should I tidy the playroom so my inlaws don’t stub their toes on trains when they arrive tonight? Or should I just sit here and blog?

I had a lazy day yesterday and did pretty much jack. Today I’ll have to more than double my efforts since pretty much everything needs to be done. Kinda makes that little day off seem rather pointless, doesn’t it? I hate that much of what I do around here is only noticed when I don’t.

I’ve been starting to give my kids little chores to do. My son is nearing 5 and is fully capable of helping out. We recently gave him the job of letting the dog out when he wakes up in the morning. He seems to like having some responsibility. He also helps me set the table for meals and empty the dishwasher. He likes to hand me dishes or cutlery in sets of 3. It’s kind of funny! Both of my kids have to carry their plates and cups to the dishwasher when they are finished a meal.

G see’s N doing little jobs and wants to help to. I’ve been trying to think of things I can get her to help with. Right now I get her to do stuff like put things like putting the recycling into the bins, picking up her toys and folding socks when I do laundry. She is only 2 1/2 but she loves to help. It’s funny how much she imitates my role already. She is by nature more nurturing than N (although he is a remarkably caring and thoughtful little boy). They both like to play house but G takes it to a different level. She sets up tea parties for her babies, puts them to bed and even nurses them. The other day she had a dolly in a highchair. G told me that, “baby hungry but gonna have to wait a bit cause I need to make all her food”. She then pretended to cook some vegetables on her kitchen set’s stove and then grind them up like I used to do for my babies! I seriously don’t think my kids know that it is possible to buy baby food in a jar.

Watching my daugher makes me think about my role here at home. We have a pretty traditional set up. My husband has a good job that enables me to be home with the kids. I run a day home three days a week to help supplement our income. I make enough to make a difference but I have the opportunity to be home. I didn’t have an amazing career that I left behind when I had N. If I had had a job that paid enough to make it worthwhile and enabled me to work 2-3 days a week, I likely would have gone back to work. As it was, my job wasn’t worth returning to. I like this one a lot better. Frankly, with my husbands hours and relative lack of flexibility when he is busy at work, I have no idea who would keep this ship afloat if I was working outside our home. As it is I can barely keep up! I can’t imagine trying to cram time with the kids, cleaning, cooking, laundry, groceries etc. into a couple of days a week. I really admire household’s where both parents work outside of the home and they are able to keep it all together. I think that I would likely have a nervous breakdown!

I sometimes wonder what kind of an effect me being home has on our children. I know without a doubt that in many senses they are better for me being here. They like that their Mom is here to care for them during the day. I make their meals, drive them to classes, read to them and help them to form what will one day become their worldview’s. Not that I couldn’t do those things if I worked outside of our home, however, I feel that I have more opportunities to guide their activities, behaviour, development and choice’s because I am here. The thing I wonder about the most is what kind of an impact it will have on my daughter. (For now) I have given up the opportunity to have a career and to finish my Master’s degree. I know that I have many years once my kids are older to do these things. My kids will only be young once. I know that I won’t look back and regret giving up some of my “good” years to build a foundation for our children. I wonder though if putting my life on hold will have a negative impact on G’s hopes and dreams. I don’t want her to ever limit her potential because I have inadvertantly shown her that is what she needs to do as a woman. I want her to be able to choose her future and not feel that she has to stay home because that was the example I gave her. More than anything, I pray that both of my children will feel loved and be able to fully embrace their personalities and ablilities and walk the path they were born to.

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