What’s with all the hate?

So there has been a lot of bitterness and snarky commenting lately on some of the blogs I read. A few bloggers have done book reviews on “The Dangerous Book for Boys”. Seems that a fun little book for boys has got a whole lotta panties all bunched up in knots. I just don’t get it. What’s the big deal about saying that boys and girls are different? Why is it bad to produce/publish/want something that is gender specific?

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in egality and get all fired up when women are pushed down. I just don’t have a problem saying that males and females are different because in my opinion they are. When I was pregnant with N, I read several articles about gender identification and the ways that society and parents impose stereotypical gender roles on children from day one. We make sure not to tell our son, for example that “boys don’t cry” or teach our daughter that she is weak and helpless. We wrestle equally with them. We also cuddle equally. And I get equally annoyed when either of them cries ad nauseum! Given all that, I still see major differences in my children. Sure, part of it is their personalities but a lot of it is that boys and girls are different.

When I was pregant with G we bought N a doll so he could practice being gentle to a baby. He was nice to his doll and even attempted to breast feed it when I was nursing G but I never saw the same motherly instincts from him that G showed at the same age to her doll. N has never bothered to wrap his doll so it would be warm. He has never changed the doll’s diaper or rocked it to sleep but G has done all of those things. For quite a while she made beds for her dolls, toys (cars included) every night and covered them up. She has never watched me care for a baby but she seems to “know” what to do whereas N has seen me with a newborn and still doesn’t have the same instinct. I think it comes from inside of them.

I remember the first time my son played “stroller” outside. He was playing with 2 little girls from our street. They were all between 3 and 4 at the time. They each had a kid sized stroller with a doll strapped in. I watched as the two girls pushed their strollers up and down the sidewalk. N joined them for a while and then he yelled, “this is boring! Let’s have races.” and began to run as fast as he could with his stoller. “It’s a stroller durby!”. The girls started shrieking and crying because he was going to hurt his baby. “That’s not how you do it,” one of them yelled. I laughed to myself as I watched this little scene playout in front of me. How different they truly are.

From what I’ve seen in my kids, boys and girls are different from birth. I don’t think the differences are as marked as they were made out to be say, 50 yeras ago but inanate differences persist none the less. Personally, I celebrate that fact. I don’t understand all the hate that spews when someone dares to do something gender specific. I guess it is just one more thing that fans the flames of the ever diversive “Mommy wars”. I certainly hope that those same people don’t buy Barbies for their girls or Tonka’s for their boys cause their kids sure are going to be messed up if they do!

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