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Dear fellow parent,
It was nice to meet you the other day and to have someone to chat with while our kids were taking lessons. Even though we seem to have almost nothing in common (you like big trucks, smoking and power tools and well, I don’t), we had lots to talk about. Here’s the thing though, the toenail picking has to stop. Were you even aware of how totally engrossed you got in ripping off your toenails? Did you catch yourself looking at them up close and then throwing them in a pile behind you? Did you notice that I threw up in my mouth a little bit every time you did that? Please, PLEASE refrain from the “personal grooming” in public or I will likely wretch myself into labour.
Yours truly,
Rachel
Dear Government worker,
I know that people are a pain and that you go though a lot of hassles on a daily basis but seriously, did you have to start out yelling at me? Did you have to roll your eyes at me when I brought you the documents one of your fellow employees told me would suffice? Did you have to look around like I was stupid and then insist I describe the appearance of the individual who gave me such errant advice last week? Did you have to treat me like an idiot who enjoyed wasting your precious time? Maybe next time you could realize how frustrating it is to obtain any government issued document particularly at nine months pregnant, in the ridiculous humidity with two kids in tow for the second time in a week? I’m sure you’re a nice person in your “real” life but I hope I never have to deal with you again. You kind of wrecked that part of my day.
Sincerely,
Rachel
To the Provincial Government,
In the words of my daughter, “you’re stupid”.
That’s all.
Rachel
To my body,
DON’T GIVE UP NOW! I need you to be strong for just a few more weeks. Back, come on. I need some support. If you could stop acting like a broken guitar string every time I move I’d appreicate it. Blood, lay off the pooling in my hips and waking me with stabbing pains every 45 minutes ALL NIGHT LONG. Uterus, get off my bladder, stomach and any other organ you are abusing! And enough with the crowding of my diaphragm already. Seriously parts, you’re all acting like a bunch of broken down old women. I can’t flake out on my responsibilities so if you could keep fulfilling your’s I’d be much happier. Just get me though the next few weeks and I’ll do something nice for you like lose all my baby weight this time! Let’s be a team and we’ll all be better for it.
With love,
Rachel
Filed under Me, me, me, me | Comment (0)still climbing…
Last night was a first for us. T and I slept in our house without any kids for the first time in over 5 years! My Mom took both of the kids for a sleepover. They were excited and so were we! We checked out a little Greek place, went for homemade frozen yogurt and then sat under the gazebo on our deck chatting and watching the rain fall. It was good to spend some time together and have a conversation that wasn’t salted with constant interruptions and flying food.
It has been so long since T and I spent time together. I miss him. I really love being a parent and would never change that but sometimes it is so incredibly draining (Ok, it’s exhausting all the time but sometimes more than others!). I find it so ironic that we chose to spend our lives together, decided to have kids to build a family and a future together and then discovered that it is those very children who wreak the most havoc on our relationship.
Having kids has been hard on our marriage. Both of them have been a major adjustment and have brought out different stress for each of us. The year N was born we bought a new car, our first house, I went on maternity leave which cut our budget by over 30%, we had to adjust to having a baby and figuring out how to do life as parents and then T lost his job very suddenly when the company went bankrupt. He got a new job right away that was a total blessing but with it came a lot of craziness of it’s own that I won’t bother getting into. Oh and did I mention the financial strain? Losing several paycheques and our own stupidity gave us both gut rot. So, it was a tough transition!
When G came along she brought different changes to our family. I found going from one child to two completely overwhelming. It was was more than double the work and took me a long time to figure out how to manage. T was working all the time and both of our families lived far away so I was alone a lot. My friends all have kids of their own so I was hardpressed to ask anyone to watch my kids so I could have a break. There were many days that I just couldn’t face a playdate because I couldn’t bear the thought of being around more kids. With four or more kids running around my friends and I didn’t really get a chance to chat anyway so it all felt like a big stressful event rather than a relief. In hindsight, getting out more would have helped but what did I know! I started working at my dayhome again when G was 5 months old. I was pretty much alone with kids all day everyday and a lot of evenings too. No wonder I had a complete meltdown and ended up on anti-depressants!
We have worked really hard at bringing stability and peace back into our lives. Considering the constant pressure we have been under since Christmas, we have manged it all quite well. There have been very few tears or arguments. T has a new job where he works from home. It has been a big personal adjustment for him but a complete blessing for our family. He is here and present in our lives in a way that he has never been able to before. Our new house is amazing. We have family support. Yet, I am afraid. In fact, I’m terrified to have this baby. I feel like I am at the end of my internal resources. We’ve gotten through deciding to move, telling various people (particularly T’s family whom we moved farther away from), T working out the new job, selling and buying houses, packing, moving across the country and for the most part, unpacking. At this point, I’d like nothing more than to go to the cottage for 2 weeks and just hang out. I’d like to focus on building our new lives here and getting our kids really settled. I’d like to join a book club, go camping, go to the market, cook with my husband. Instead, I am washing baby clothes, arranging a diaper service and stocking the cupboards and freezer for the arrival of our newest addition. I don’t know how to emotionally ramp up for another major life event. I’m not sure how the kids are going to adjust to a new sibling. I have no idea where everyone is going to sleep and when on earth I will ever sleep again! I worry about getting to the hospital in time, what we’ll do with the kids and what kind of havoc this birth will wreak on my body. I worry about our marriage and our mental and emotional health.
I guess I’m on that rollercoaster again slowly climbing towards the crest of the hill. I still find myself sweating, teeth chatter, praying out loud that all will be well. Oh, Lord, please let it all work out.
Filed under And baby makes 5, Family, Me, me, me, me | Comment (0)i concur
Whenever my husband solves a difficult problem, be it at work or around the house he will stand up, raise both arms in the air and loudly declare, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am a genius”. Most of the time when T does this I just roll my eyes and laugh a bit. After this weekend, I must admit, I agree.
We were going to go to the cottage this weekend but since I’ve been feeling so tired and we still have so much to do around here we decided to stay home. T made it his mission to get as much done as possible. I have to say, I am impressed. Since yesterday he has installed 2 chandaliers, put in a new thermostat and hood fan, cleaned and sprayed down the fruit cellar with Concrobium (here’s a shout out for mold control!), done the yard work, pulled down the Christmas lights hanging from our deck, unplugged a particularly gross toilet without a plunger, fixed my cutlery trays to fit our new drawer, hung a bunch of pictures, fixed a broken socket and set up the composter. He also took the kids to the park and made curry from scratch tonight. Now he is mashing up the spices for Green Curry in the mortar and pestal. Me thinks he is unstoppable.
Thank you T.
I love you.
And yes, you are a genius!
Filed under First came love... | Comment (0)today’s bullets
* Satellite tv rocks! Oh how I missed you HGTV, TLC and Food network! And the silence that Treehouse brings is pure bliss.
* Somehow I’ve gained less than 20 pounds so far in this pregnancy. That excites me because there is a magic number that I was hoping never to go over. I might just miss it!
* Was at the OBGYN today. Her office is on the maternity floor at the hospital. Now I know where to go in case of labour!
* I’m feeling very pregnant lately. Very tired. Aching back. Cranky and hot. But I still don’t want the baby to come early. Much easier to deal with inside.
* I’ve decided never to grocery shop with my kids again. Something strange happens to them as we walk though the doors of any grocery store. They turn into little maniacs who whine and cry the entire time we are in the store. Today they broke a new record. Both of them were in tears over RASPBERRIES within 45 seconds of walking in the door. I’m not kidding. I cried on the way home I was so embarassed. Again. So no more trips to kill time.
* G has been accident free for 3 days now! It has been a long process getting back to here but we have determined that positive reinforcement works best for her. She eats it up and then licks the bowl.
* Sears has the worst customer service EVER! Still don’t have our furniture. We are meant to have it delivered to my parents house tomorrow (for some reason they can’t deliver it to our house… that would be convenient for us) but they have screwed up the times. I got through to head office today and spoke to someone I thought would be helpful. She told me that she’d make some calls and call me back. Surprise! She never called back and I forgot to write down her name. Is it too much to ask that we actually get the furniture we purchased in March? Will I ever have a couch to lie down on? Jerking around a woman who is 35 weeks pregnant and crabby at the best of times is just not smart.
* Daily swimming lessons are brillant! We are all loving them and really look forward to them every morning.
Boring post. I know. But that’s all I’ve got today!
Filed under Nothin' special | Comment (0)so and so
Dear Little baby so and so (as we fondly like to refer to you),
Well hello there! I’ve got a feeling that you knew your Mom was having a hard time connecting to the reality of your existence. One night last week you suddenly twisted into an awkward position that literally made me sit up and take notice. Since then you have turned my stomach into some kind of wild kindergym. Around 10:00 every night you start wiggling and squirming in an apparent attempt to escape my womb just under the left side of my ribs. After a few minutes we can literally see limbs poking out the side of my stomach. It’s all rather uncomfortable but amazing none the less!
Thanks for helping me to focus on you and connect to you. I’ve enjoyed watching you make your presence known. Even your brother and sister have noticed my contorting belly (you actually kicked G in the face yesterday when she was singing to you!). I’m so glad that you aren’t going to take this whole being the third child thing lightly. You are going to make sure everyone in this house knows that you are here and that you want to be heard. Good for you little one.
If I may, I have one request. Would you consider rescheduling your parties to a more convenient hour of the day? I’m all good with the 10pm shake down. It’s just the 2am raving that is wearing me out. If I’m not up peeing or constantly shifting trying to find a comfortable position, I’d really like to be sleeping. You seem to have a problem with that. I so need to sleep because in a very short while you are going to be here live and in person. So please, little love, cut your Mom some slack and let me get some rest.
Love,
Mommy
Filed under And baby makes 5 | Comment (0)and it was
Ladies and gentlemen, we had a good day! Not a perfect day but it sure was a good day. We left the house at 10am to head down to my parent’s house. On the way I dropped N off with my Dad. When N saw his Poppa he broke into a run and launched himself into his arms. They spent the day running errands and doing “man stuff”. My Dad took him out for lunch to a little place on the beach we used to go to as kids. He even bought N his own milkshake, something I was never allowed as a kid. After lunch on the beach they went for ice cream! I think the old guy is softening! Both Poppa and N had a great time together. When I asked N how his day was he replied, “it was really good but man, that old guy tired me out!”.
G and I spent the day with my Mom. We went to Sears Home and located our furniture! We will actually have a sofa in our family room next week. Perfect. We also went for lunch. Not the beach but a great little Greek place. G ate one fry (I know, I know… fries in a Greek restaurant so wrong) and then a piece of gum that she pulled off the bottom of the table and, well… that’s about it. She didn’t pee her pants so I’m going to call it a smashing success! We got back to my parents place around 1:30 and spent the rest of the day swimming. G was laughing and giggling all afternoon. It was a delightful change from the torturous whining that has been her mantra of late.
Around 4 my Dad brought N to the house for a swim. He took G and drove up to our place to pick up T (who was going stir crazy and couldn’t go anywhere since I somehow took both sets of car keys with me). I spent some time alone with N who totally surprised me by jumping into the pool sans life jacket and swimming across the shallow end! Total ROCK STAR that son of mine! We practiced swimming until Daddy arrived and took over the spotlight.
I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to have a change of pace today. I got a break from both of my kids (and some alone time with each of them) and they got to be spoiled by their grandparents. There was still a couple of tantrums and feet stomping but it didn’t seem as bad with my Mom giggling in the background. After swimming for almost 5 hours, we ate supper on the patio (until we had to make a mad dash for the house when the skies opened up) and then took the kids home totally exhausted and ready for bed. N fell asleep in the car and is currently sleeping in his clothes. G was so tired that she went willingly to bed without any drama. Good one on all fronts! Love, love, love living near family.
Tomorrow Auntie Le is coming for the day and then Auntie La is bringing her new boy over for supper. Things are looking up.
Filed under Family, Kiddies | Comment (0)Oh my dear little blog. How poorly I treat you. How often I ignore you. It’s not that I don’t think of you or want to write here. It’s just that all the posts I start either seem dumb, whiny or end up taking me so long they become irrelevant.
Life is so full these days. I am feeling rather overwhelmed by it all. The move went as well as we could have expected. There were a few minor issues along the way but all in all, it was pretty darn good! The house is amazing. We absolutely love it. There is so much space. So many features that we’ve dreamed of in a home. A fireplace. 4 big bedrooms. A walkout basement. An amazing, private backyard. The kids love it too and feel very comfortable here. As we paint and change fixutres etc it seems more and more like home. Our neighbourhood is great too. People have been very friendly and have made a point of introducing themselves. It seems that anything that is missing from our neighbourhood is on the way. A public school is currently being built at the end of our street (to open September 2008). A huge grocery store is being built 3 blocks away. So pretty much, it’s all good yo!
Tomorrow I am going to be 34 weeks along in my pregnancy. That my friends is beyond crazy. This pregnancy was so unexpected and I have been so busy since we found out about it that I just haven’t really connected with this little one. Makes me feel sort of sad and sort of guilty. I have a sizable tummy that jumps and bounces but somehow I still don’t feel like a baby is going to makes it’s way out in the next several weeks. I feel like this baby deserves better but I’m at a loss as to what I can do. Should I sit on my bed for an hour each day and contemplate my navel? Should I attempt to purchase cute little baby items until I buy into the feeling retailers are selling? Or should I just continue on in my state of ignorance and be shell shocked in a few weeks when little baby so and so arrives? I know that I will love this precious little life once… ta da… he/she is placed in my arms. I just don’t know if I believe it is actually going to happen.
Part of what is making life so difficult right now is that I am finding our two children rather overwhelming. They are non freaking stop. Ceaseless. They are kicking the proverbial crap out of me. They have come though some pretty big changes and I am trying to remember and sympathize with that. They left all that is familiar out west and have adapted pretty well to a totally new life. Most significantly, they left all of their friends behind. Translate all of that into they said goodbye to all of their outlets and hello to “Mommy-our-only-source-of-amusement”. They don’t leave me alone for more than about 10 seconds at a time. Mommy watch this. Mommy help me. Mommy I’m bored. Mommy where is Daddy. Ahhhhhhhhh! Mommy sometimes hides in her bathroom so they can’t find her for 2 minutes. Sure will be fun to add a constantly nursing newborn to the mix! I really don’t want to focus on the negatives but man, this is getting old in a hurry.
Added to the daily challenges is a new resistance to bedtime. Our kids have traditionally been very easy to put to bed. G has often stayed up reading or playing quietly in her bed for about a half an hour but she was quiet and stayed in bed. Now both of them continually come out of their rooms, call for us and if we are lucky, stand at the top of the stairs screaming about how hungry and thirsty they are. Love it!
As my last complaint, G has had diarrhea since we moved and has regressed to the point of pooping and peeing her pants at least 4 times a day. Truly there is nothing like cleaning up crap running down your fully capable 3 year olds legs multiple times a day… with a huge belly! Forgive me for the rant. It has been a bit much and all I can think is that we are going to add to it!
Every night when I go to bed I think to myself, “tomorrow will be a better day”. Tonight is no exception. I am dropping N off at my Dad’s office tomorrow morning to spend the day driving around with Poppa. I know they will both love it. Then G and I are going to hang with my Mom for the day. A little swimming, little baby shopping and a little attempting to figure out where on earth Sears has put the furniture they were supposed to deliver 2 days ago but seem to have completely lost! Should be a better day.
Cheers!
Filed under Family, Kiddies, On moving | Comment (0)