dear baby j

Hello my darling boy. You are 3 months old today! Can you believe it? I can’t. It seems like the days have flown by. One minute you were this tiny, scrunchy little bundle that nursed every 45 seconds and the next a smiling, chubby wonder who still nurses every 45 seconds! I love you to the depth of my soul my boy. It is so good to have you in our family.

There are so many things that I love about you. When you wake up in the morning you lie in your bed and coo. You wave your pudgy arms around and try to catch the rays of light streaming in through the cracks in the blinds. When you hear my voice whispering good morning, your little head whips around trying to find me. When our eyes meet, your beautiful face lights up and you start to giggle. You start chatting at me and then all of a sudden will give me a perplexed look as if to say, “wait a minute. Why am I lying here chatting when I could be nursing!”. I love that you do the same thing every morning. I also love it when you lie in my arms, as you are right now with your cheek nestled into me and your hand clutching the neckline of my shirt. Sometimes you stir in your sleep and open your eyes a little bit as if to check if I’m still there. Often you smile when you see me and then fall back to sleep and let the smile slowly fade from your lips. I love your laugh and that you get hiccups every time you do! I love your chubby little toes, the roll in the back of your neck and all three sets of your thighs. I love how you smell after a bath, the warmth of your body lying on my chest in the middle of the night, the way you watch me move around the kitchen from your chair. Oh, little one, you have made my life so much fuller and have taught me to love anew.

I like to joke that you are in a competition with all the other babies around you. You seem to want to be the biggest (you’ve already got the best nailed down firmly). At 3 months you are about 15.5 pounds and 26 inches long. You have outgrown all of your 0-3 month clothes and are swifly working your way thought the 3-6 month stash. Slow down already, my boy. There is no hurry!

The last week has brought a number of developmental changes for you. On Wednesday you learned how to grasp a toy (your little linking rings) and bring it to your mouth. Good for you! Now everything goes in your mouth. Your blankets, toys, my shoulder, your fists… pretty much anything will do. You’ve even been known to pop Daddy’s nose in your mouth if it gets too close! With all that chewing and the accompanying drool, we are pretty sure that you are teething. There are little white bumps on your lower gumline so we’ll see what happens in the coming weeks. You have also become much more interested in the world around you. You still like to gaze at the black and white pictures above the couch and stare at interesting pattens and bright lights but now you are also into people! You love to watch the kids play (as long as they don’t get too close). When someone walks in the room you turn your head and then follow their movements. You also respond to voices and noise, turning towards the source of the latest sounds. That can be confusing for you sometimes with all of the noise in our house but you are learning to distinguish different sounds. As we get to know you better it seems that you are very sensitive to noise. You get scared by loud (like the vacuum, yelling) and sudden (something dropping, G shrieking) noises. Your bottom lip sticks WAAAAAAAAAAY out and then you burst into tears. It’s very sad and cute at the same time, especially when large crocodile tears slide down your cheeks.

Since birth you have been a dedicated nurser. You popped on and nursed the very first time and have been at it ever since. You are still eating every two hours during the day but have thankfully slowed down at night. You are settling into a pattern of going down for the night at 10:00pm and sleeping until around 5:30am. You nurse quickly, have a diaper change and are back in bed in about 20 minutes (unless I am enjoying snuggling you and then you stay with me for longer). Thanks for that. I can’t tell you how much better some regular sleep has made me feel.

One funny thing about you is that you seem to have an affinity for puking on me. It’s crazy how skilled you are at it. Daddy will hold you for an hour, pass you to me and you will instantly puke. Any time you or I have on clean clothes you will throw up on them in under 10 minutes. Last night I was playing airplane with you and you threw up on my face. There’s nothing like vomit in your eyes! So if there was one thing I would change, that would be it!

Some days I feel badly for you being the third child. I just don’t get to spend the time with you that I would like. Sometimes I feel like I should be playing with you and “teaching” you things more but I just don’t have time. I wish I had more time to cuddle you and just sit and stare at you. For all those times in the future when you’ll feel ripped off, I’m sorry. I am sorry for all the times you settle into sleep and get startled awake or plopped into the carseat to go pick up one of your siblings. I’m sorry that your baby book will definitely not be as up to date as your brother’s and that you likely won’t have as many sittings with a photographer (but don’t worry, I take pictures of you everyday!). I’m sorry for all of the times you’ll have to sit in your chair crying while I finish making supper or switching the laundry. I wish I could hold you every time you want me to but I have four other people who need me too. While I’m sorry for all of those times, never doubt my love for you or your place in my heart.

Even though it can suck being the youngest, there are benefits. I’m a way more relaxed and experienced Mom. I don’t listen so much to “them” as to my instincts. I don’t spend so much time reading all of the recommended books and worrying about your development. I’m not so strict about schedules and keeping you on one. You get fed when you are hungry, changed when you need it and loved whenever I can. Because I have so many things to do everyday, you spend a lot of time in the sling. You get to sit up at eye level and see the world instead of just lying on your back gazing at the ceiling. You really love being in the sling. In fact, you smile when you see me putting it on. I’ve also transitioned to cloth diapers (Mommy got a little crunchy this time around!). I feel good about the decision and know that you have benefited from it. Your little bum is wrapped in soft, organic hemp and we haven’t battled any rashes to date.

I think that having siblings is also a huge benefit for you. They love you so much! As much as they drive you crazy, you will grow up having a brother who reads to you and a sister who will dress you up as a princess and throw you tea parties (she’ll also play in the sandbox and ride bikes with you too). You will learn to share and love and be part of a family from your brother and sister. They are already protective of you and planning for all of the things that they will teach you. N showed me the other day exactly how he is going to teach you to crawl and walk and what books he will read to you when. As a grown up, I can tell you how great it is to have a brother and sister. You are a lucky little guy.

J, you are a miracle. I am so glad that God surprised us with you. Already I can’t imagine our lives without you. Your Daddy and I love you with all that we are. We are so thankful for you and blessed by your life. May God bless you, protect you and make his face shine upon you.

All my love,

Mommy

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