spiral

Lately things haven’t been going very well. Our life feels like it has spun out of control over the last month. We were so on top of things for the first while that we lived here. We had a routine that was working really well. Stuff gone done on a regular basis and for the first time in a long while, I felt like I was successful at my job as CNO (Chief Navigating Officer) of our family.

Once J was born I expected that everything would get turned upside down. I expected to be tired, overwhelmed and behind. I anticipated behaviour changes, mixed up routines and chaos. I just thought that it would get better sooner than it has. Our life has been out of whack for so long (almost a year now) that I’m starting to feel like I’m drowning in it. Over the last couple of weeks I have been feeling myself swimming a little more slowly everyday. The shore seems so far away that some moments it seems impossible to reach. I hate feeling like this.

I am tired. J has been sleeping poorly again and it’s wearing me out. It has been over three weeks since I got to have a nap. Everything seems to be more important than catching up on sleep. There is always somewhere we have to go, something we need to do or someone who needs my help. I have a growing feeling of resentment building inside of me. I am sick of being last in line when it comes to having my needs met. I’m tired of messes. Of washing the same clothes over and over and over. Of my kids not listening. Of not spending any time with my husband. Heck, I’m even sick of my grumping!

Somehow, I’ve got to reverse this downward spiral. T and I are heading out West this week. Hopefully some time away from the daily grind will do us all some good.

Rant over.

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