out

I just finished packing! We are out of here tomorrow. It is so weird to be leaving home to go home for a visit. Know what I mean? I’m super pumped to see our friends. I miss my girls. I’m going to visit our neighbours on Thursday. It’s going to be so bizarre to be 3 doors up from our house and not go in it. Can’t wait to visit some of our favourite places. Thinking about it is making me feel rather homesick.

Although I’m thrilled to be going, there is a part of me that is sad. It’s so hard to leave my kids behind. It feels like part of me is missing. I always get emotional before I say goodbye to them. Hopefully the old adage is true about absence making the heart grow stronger. It will be good to miss them and be missed.

spotty

The last few days have been really rough for baby J. He hasn’t been sleeping and he has been super cranky. Yesterday he cried and cried all afternoon and then cried and cried all night. This morning I noticed that he had broken out in a bright, red rash all over his body (I don’t turn on lights at night so I couldn’t see him properly until the sun came up). His beautiful face is covered in angry dots. So are his chubby toes. And ALL of his thighs. He is a very pathetic sight indeed. We made a quick trip to the Ped and it looks like he has scored his first viral infection. At least we know that his siblings are good at sharing.

While at the Ped’s office she weighed him to make sure he hadn’t lost any weight (snort!). At 14.5 weeks, he tips the scale at 16lbs 10 oz! Yes, my baby is an over achiever!

spiral

Lately things haven’t been going very well. Our life feels like it has spun out of control over the last month. We were so on top of things for the first while that we lived here. We had a routine that was working really well. Stuff gone done on a regular basis and for the first time in a long while, I felt like I was successful at my job as CNO (Chief Navigating Officer) of our family.

Once J was born I expected that everything would get turned upside down. I expected to be tired, overwhelmed and behind. I anticipated behaviour changes, mixed up routines and chaos. I just thought that it would get better sooner than it has. Our life has been out of whack for so long (almost a year now) that I’m starting to feel like I’m drowning in it. Over the last couple of weeks I have been feeling myself swimming a little more slowly everyday. The shore seems so far away that some moments it seems impossible to reach. I hate feeling like this.

I am tired. J has been sleeping poorly again and it’s wearing me out. It has been over three weeks since I got to have a nap. Everything seems to be more important than catching up on sleep. There is always somewhere we have to go, something we need to do or someone who needs my help. I have a growing feeling of resentment building inside of me. I am sick of being last in line when it comes to having my needs met. I’m tired of messes. Of washing the same clothes over and over and over. Of my kids not listening. Of not spending any time with my husband. Heck, I’m even sick of my grumping!

Somehow, I’ve got to reverse this downward spiral. T and I are heading out West this week. Hopefully some time away from the daily grind will do us all some good.

Rant over.

logic

Oh the logic and humour of a 5 year old boy…

N: Can I have dessert?
R: Nope.
N: Why not?
R: Because you are 5 and 5 year olds can’t have dessert on Saturday’s.
N: That’s not fair.
R: I know but it’s just one of those dessert rules.
N: I have a new rules. 20’s can’t have dessert either.
R: 20’s?
N: (whispers to Daddy) How old are you guys?
T: 31
N: I mean, 31 year olds don’t get dessert either. That’s my rule.
T: But my rule is that the people who buy the food get to make the rules.
N: Well, I just farted…

Oh, NaBloPoMo, you are kicking my butt a little bit!

imagine

When my husband and I were busy falling in love and planning our future together, we never imagined the day we would cheer out loud because one of our kids pooped spontaneously. Oh, how life has changed!

cheesy corn chowder

This is one of our kids favourite soup recipes. Even little Miss Picky eats it (except, of course for the potatoes).

4 strips bacon, chopped
1 small onion, finely minced
3-4 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed
2.5 cups water
1/2 tsp salt
bay leaf
540 ml can of creamed corn
1 cup frozen kernel corn
3/4 cup milk
1/2-1 cup sharp cheddar, grated

In a large, high sided frying pan (or dutch oven) fry the bacon until semi-crisp. If you want to remove the excess fat, push the bacon to one side of the pan, tip it so the fat runs to one side and then soak it up with a paper towel. Add onion and saute until it’s transparent and the bacon is crisp. Add the cubed potatoes and stir to coat. Add the water, salt and bay leaf. Bring to a boil and then simmer until the potatoes are soft (but not mushy)- about 20 minutes. Add the creamed corn, kernel corn and milk and heat through. Add desired amount of cheese in 3 separate additions, allowing cheese to melt thoroughly between additions. Season with more salt and pepper to taste.

I like to serve this soup with a big salad (or cut up veggies) and biscuits.

Biscuits

2 cups flour
4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt (less if you prefer)
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sharp cheddar, grated (optional)
1 cup (or more) water

Mix dry ingredients in a medium size bowl. Cut in butter. Add cheese, if using and water and mix well. The mixture should be soft and sticky but not runny. Drop by tablespoonful onto a cookie sheet. Bake at 425 for 13-15 minutes until golden brown.

Variation: Use one cup of Monterey Jack cheese and 1 TBSP chopped jalapeno peppers for a little kick!

accountability

I had a super frustrating morning. My husband and the two older kids have been sick. The kitchen floor is so sticky that I have to wear slippers to tolerate it. There is so much laundry I can’t fit it all in the laundry room. And my bathroom seems to be growing some kind of weird fungus. I just can’t catch up or keep up. So, I’m overwhelmed, distracted by clutter and tired. I also seem to constantly have a baby in my arms or in the sling so I’m feeling physically weighed down too. I hate living like this. I get more and more overwhelmed by the day. It’s hard to be fun or even patient when my list of unattended things is gnawing at my brain all day and night. I don’t know how much longer I can function like this.

Anyway… I realized last night that baby J still does not have his permanent health card. Turns out I was supposed to call if I didn’t receive it in 6 weeks. Whoops! So I call the number on the back of the temporary one and then wait on hold for 25 minutes. The lady informs me that they don’t have any information on record for my son and I would have to call the local office. So I call the local office, wait on hold for another 32 minutes only to find out that they never received the paperwork from the hospital. I then call the hospital, talk to three seperate people only to find out that yes, the paper work was sent. I’d have to call the local office but since I had already done that it would be rather redundant now, wouldn’t it? So after all that time and energy I have to drive an hour to the closest local office who deals with that specific issue and apply for a new health card (the original one has expired and they are very sorry mam, but there is just nothing anyone can do about that). Since they are (always) experiencing “unanticipated high volumes” the waits are usually several hours. And since T took a sick day yesterday and then spent the morning trying to get N seen by a doctor he probably can’t take anymore time off. Lucky me, I get to stand in line for several hours with at least 2 kids in tow. Nothing like amusing a 3 year old in a line up while breastfeeding standing up.

The thing that really chaps me is that no one will take responsibility for the bloody mistake and now I have to waste an entire day fixing it. I did what I was supposed to do. They lost the paper work, not me. When will our crappy government start taking responsibility for their own mistakes and fix them? Somehow we need to be able to hold the various governmental agencies accountable. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off since we moved trying to get all of our various documents and cards in order. I’m sick of wasting my time.

pet peeve

So, when Mom’s home with the kids and Dad’s out doing something social “we” call it, um… life but when Dad is home with the kids and Mom is out on a very, very rare social outing “we” call it babysitting. Last time I checked parents looking after their own kids were called, and I hate to be obvious here, PARENTS.

hmmmm

Since our daughter was born we have battled exzema on her skin. It has been particularly bad on her feet, often making her ankles raw. When I met with the “diaper service lady” she told me that they switched to cloth diapers because her daughter was allergic to disposables and got really bad exzema, especially on her feet and face. G has also had exzema on her face.

Recently we were trying to help G get out of pull ups at night. We ordered some washable “pull ups” through our diaper service. G tried really hard but it seems that her bladder just isn’t ready to go all night. She kept saturating the bed by about 6am even though she would pee rivers before bed and around 10 when we would take her. She was getting so tired from having her sleep all messed up (and I was having trouble keeping up with adding bedding to my daily laundry regime) so we decided to switch back to Pull ups for a while (she doesn’t leak in them). I noticed the other day that her exzema is really bad on her face and feet again. And then it struck me, when we were using the washable pants her exzema totally went away. How badly do I feel that she has probably been allergic to disposables since she was born and we could have prevented all of this exzema YEARS ago? Now I’m in a bit of a quandry as to what to do about the Pull up situation. Do we continue with the disposable ones that enable to her to be dry and sleep all night knowing that’s probably what is causing her exzema or do we go back to the washable ones knowing how it messes with her sleep? And putting her down for a nap is so not an option. That is akin to suggesting she not wear sandles outside when it’s snowing or put on some socks when she is complaining that her feet feel like icicles.

So, hmmmmm?

remember

This weekend my husband and oldest son are away for a little guy time at the cottage. Our house is so quiet without them. It’s kind of eerie at times. My daughter is really missing her Daddy and big brother. She came into my room at 6:30 this morning looking for her “bruh-ber” and was fairly devastated to discover he hadn’t come home during the night.

This afternoon we went to visit Auntie J. We had a great time walking around downtown and the lakefront. It was good to have some adult time! On the way back to her house we passed a WWII memorial. Out of the corner of my eye I notice an older gentleman standing with his head down in front of it. I wondered what he was thinking about? Was he remembering the horror of the battlefield? Was he mourning a father, brother or friend who was lost in the war? Was he feeling thankful? I wondered about his story as we continued walking.

When we returned home the first thing G wanted to do was call her Daddy. She just wanted to hear his voice. He told me how much he has missed us this weekend. After we chatted I got thinking about what it would be like if he was gone for 5 years. I thought about how much he would miss. Our baby would be the same age as our oldest is now. There is no way to get those years back. Worse, what if he never came home? How would we go on? I know that we would but that is just not how it is “supposed” to be.

Today as I ponder Rememberance Day, I think of it in a new way. I am thankful. So very thankful for the devastating sacrifices those who went to war and those who stayed behind made for our country. For our families. For me. Today I honour you.