pause

Do you ever have a moment in your life when you get a chance to push pause and look around? I had one of those tonight. I was sitting here cuddling my baby, thinking about this and that when it hit me: I have been married for 11 years to a guy who is a serious catch, I have 3 (THREE) kids who are all über cute and prone to genius, amazingly supportive family members (thank for last night Squirt) and really faithful friends (Tchuss, I’m talking to you!). I am blessed. Very, very blessed.

dear baby j

Hello my darling boy. You are 3 months old today! Can you believe it? I can’t. It seems like the days have flown by. One minute you were this tiny, scrunchy little bundle that nursed every 45 seconds and the next a smiling, chubby wonder who still nurses every 45 seconds! I love you to the depth of my soul my boy. It is so good to have you in our family.

There are so many things that I love about you. When you wake up in the morning you lie in your bed and coo. You wave your pudgy arms around and try to catch the rays of light streaming in through the cracks in the blinds. When you hear my voice whispering good morning, your little head whips around trying to find me. When our eyes meet, your beautiful face lights up and you start to giggle. You start chatting at me and then all of a sudden will give me a perplexed look as if to say, “wait a minute. Why am I lying here chatting when I could be nursing!”. I love that you do the same thing every morning. I also love it when you lie in my arms, as you are right now with your cheek nestled into me and your hand clutching the neckline of my shirt. Sometimes you stir in your sleep and open your eyes a little bit as if to check if I’m still there. Often you smile when you see me and then fall back to sleep and let the smile slowly fade from your lips. I love your laugh and that you get hiccups every time you do! I love your chubby little toes, the roll in the back of your neck and all three sets of your thighs. I love how you smell after a bath, the warmth of your body lying on my chest in the middle of the night, the way you watch me move around the kitchen from your chair. Oh, little one, you have made my life so much fuller and have taught me to love anew.

I like to joke that you are in a competition with all the other babies around you. You seem to want to be the biggest (you’ve already got the best nailed down firmly). At 3 months you are about 15.5 pounds and 26 inches long. You have outgrown all of your 0-3 month clothes and are swifly working your way thought the 3-6 month stash. Slow down already, my boy. There is no hurry!

The last week has brought a number of developmental changes for you. On Wednesday you learned how to grasp a toy (your little linking rings) and bring it to your mouth. Good for you! Now everything goes in your mouth. Your blankets, toys, my shoulder, your fists… pretty much anything will do. You’ve even been known to pop Daddy’s nose in your mouth if it gets too close! With all that chewing and the accompanying drool, we are pretty sure that you are teething. There are little white bumps on your lower gumline so we’ll see what happens in the coming weeks. You have also become much more interested in the world around you. You still like to gaze at the black and white pictures above the couch and stare at interesting pattens and bright lights but now you are also into people! You love to watch the kids play (as long as they don’t get too close). When someone walks in the room you turn your head and then follow their movements. You also respond to voices and noise, turning towards the source of the latest sounds. That can be confusing for you sometimes with all of the noise in our house but you are learning to distinguish different sounds. As we get to know you better it seems that you are very sensitive to noise. You get scared by loud (like the vacuum, yelling) and sudden (something dropping, G shrieking) noises. Your bottom lip sticks WAAAAAAAAAAY out and then you burst into tears. It’s very sad and cute at the same time, especially when large crocodile tears slide down your cheeks.

Since birth you have been a dedicated nurser. You popped on and nursed the very first time and have been at it ever since. You are still eating every two hours during the day but have thankfully slowed down at night. You are settling into a pattern of going down for the night at 10:00pm and sleeping until around 5:30am. You nurse quickly, have a diaper change and are back in bed in about 20 minutes (unless I am enjoying snuggling you and then you stay with me for longer). Thanks for that. I can’t tell you how much better some regular sleep has made me feel.

One funny thing about you is that you seem to have an affinity for puking on me. It’s crazy how skilled you are at it. Daddy will hold you for an hour, pass you to me and you will instantly puke. Any time you or I have on clean clothes you will throw up on them in under 10 minutes. Last night I was playing airplane with you and you threw up on my face. There’s nothing like vomit in your eyes! So if there was one thing I would change, that would be it!

Some days I feel badly for you being the third child. I just don’t get to spend the time with you that I would like. Sometimes I feel like I should be playing with you and “teaching” you things more but I just don’t have time. I wish I had more time to cuddle you and just sit and stare at you. For all those times in the future when you’ll feel ripped off, I’m sorry. I am sorry for all the times you settle into sleep and get startled awake or plopped into the carseat to go pick up one of your siblings. I’m sorry that your baby book will definitely not be as up to date as your brother’s and that you likely won’t have as many sittings with a photographer (but don’t worry, I take pictures of you everyday!). I’m sorry for all of the times you’ll have to sit in your chair crying while I finish making supper or switching the laundry. I wish I could hold you every time you want me to but I have four other people who need me too. While I’m sorry for all of those times, never doubt my love for you or your place in my heart.

Even though it can suck being the youngest, there are benefits. I’m a way more relaxed and experienced Mom. I don’t listen so much to “them” as to my instincts. I don’t spend so much time reading all of the recommended books and worrying about your development. I’m not so strict about schedules and keeping you on one. You get fed when you are hungry, changed when you need it and loved whenever I can. Because I have so many things to do everyday, you spend a lot of time in the sling. You get to sit up at eye level and see the world instead of just lying on your back gazing at the ceiling. You really love being in the sling. In fact, you smile when you see me putting it on. I’ve also transitioned to cloth diapers (Mommy got a little crunchy this time around!). I feel good about the decision and know that you have benefited from it. Your little bum is wrapped in soft, organic hemp and we haven’t battled any rashes to date.

I think that having siblings is also a huge benefit for you. They love you so much! As much as they drive you crazy, you will grow up having a brother who reads to you and a sister who will dress you up as a princess and throw you tea parties (she’ll also play in the sandbox and ride bikes with you too). You will learn to share and love and be part of a family from your brother and sister. They are already protective of you and planning for all of the things that they will teach you. N showed me the other day exactly how he is going to teach you to crawl and walk and what books he will read to you when. As a grown up, I can tell you how great it is to have a brother and sister. You are a lucky little guy.

J, you are a miracle. I am so glad that God surprised us with you. Already I can’t imagine our lives without you. Your Daddy and I love you with all that we are. We are so thankful for you and blessed by your life. May God bless you, protect you and make his face shine upon you.

All my love,

Mommy

blessed

This afternoon when I needed to leave to pick up N from school we were running late (as usual). No matter how early we start it seems that my darling daughter picks those times to be as stubborn as humanly possible. And the baby also finds that the most oportune time to scream his lungs out. But I was going to talk about being blessed… so about that. It has been snowing all day and I was upset because I was going to have to brush off the van, making us even later. I flung open the side door to get the car started and then it hit me, we have a GARAGE! Can I tell you how much I love having a garage? No more scraping ice off the car. I am pumped!

comfort food

Since the weather has turned colder recently we’ve been enjoying our favourite comfort foods again. One of my kids most requested is homemade mac and cheese. Here’s the recipe I’ve made up for them.

Homemade mac and cheese

4 cups pasta (such as rotini, shells etc)
2 cups old cheddar
1 cup mozza
1/4 cup parmasean
2 TBSP butter
1/2 cup finely diced onion*
1/4 cup flour
3 cups hot milk
1/2 cup bread crumbs

Boil your choice of pasta until it is a firm el dente (trust me, you don’t want to start with overcooked pasta!). Drain and then rinse under hot water. In the meantime, grate all of the cheese into a mixing bowl. Toss it with 1 TBSP of flour to keep it from sticking together. Reserve 1/2 cup of cheese in seperate bowl. Melt butter over medium heat in a large sauce pan. Add onions and saute until transparent. Add the rest of flour and let cook for 2 minutes (don’t brown it). Add hot milk all at once and stir vigourously with a whisk. Let it come to a boil and then continue to stir until the mixture thickens. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add cheese a handful at a time, allowing it to completely melt between additions. Once cheese is completely combined, remove from heat and gently fold in cooked noodles. Coat well. Transfer to a buttered casserole dish. Add bread crumbs to reserved cheese and mix well. Sprinkle evenly over top of maccaroni. Bake in a 400 degree oven for about 20 minutes until hot and bubbly. Serve with a big garden salad or cut up veggies.

Feel free to experiment with different cheeses. Emmental would make a great substitution for the mozza. You could use blue cheese instead of parmasean, if you are into the stinky feet cheese.

* make sure it’s fine or your 3 year old will notice it and shriek, “onions, I hate onions!”.

november roast

Oh, November. What’s with you? Why are you permanently depressed with your heavy, grey clouds, freezing cold winds and sleety days? Do you need to be such an Eeyore? Such a grump?

Never mind you! It might be cold outside but it’s warm in here. We’ve got a pot roast simmering on the stove and all the fixings for fancy Sundae’s waiting to be devoured! Thought I’d share my recipe. It’s my version of my Mom’s pot roast. Definately worth a try some cold November day.

3lb boneless blade roast
salt and pepper
1/4 cup flour
2 TBSP olive oil
1/2 large onion, sliced
3 cloves garlic, smashed
beef bouillion
1/2 cup boiling water
1 tps worcestershire sauce
dash of hot sauce
1/4 cup seafood sauce
bay leaf

Wash and pat beef dry. Season with salt and pepper on both sides. Coat with flour on all sides and shake off excess. Heat olive oil in large dutch oven on medium-high heat and then brown roast on all sides. About half way through browning add onions and garlic so they will saute at the same time (stir throughout so they don’t burn). While roast is browning combine boiling water, bouillon, worcestershire sauce, hot sauce and bay leaf in glass measuring cup. Once roast is browned, lift it and spread onions so the roast is resting on them. Slowly pour water mixture over the top. Pour seafood sauce (chilli sauce works too) over the top and spread to the edges. Simmer roast for about 2 hours until tender. Add cut up potatoes and carrots and then simmer for another 30-45 minutes until they are tender (I often just add carrots and then serve mashed potatoes on the side). When all is done, place veggies, onions and potatoes in a covered casserole dish and keep warm. Remove roast, cover and let rest for about 15 minutes before carving. Add a bit of water to the liquid, thicken with flour and then use it for gravy. Add a side of veggies and you’ve got an easy meal to ward off the November blah’s!

d-day

I can’t help but let out a shout of joy! It’s deadline day. As of 5pm today you launched that big sucker of a website that has held you in it’s hairy grip for the last 2 months. I just hope you can find your way out of your office through the unwashed clothes, dirty dishes and piles of toys!

Welcome home, love. We are so glad to have you back.

no offense Aunt Jemima

Do you remember that feeling you get when you have been used to something, try something new that’s WAY better and then feel like you can never go back to your old stand by? That thing you were used to is just not gonna cut it anymore. It’s kind of like growing up using Aunt Jemima “syrup”. It’s all good until the day you try real maple syrup. After that Aunt Jemima becomes a too sweet rather flavourless distant second choice.

That’s how I’m feeling about our life right now. For a long time T worked 60+ hours a week. He was often not home for supper. He worked late several nights a week and many weekends. We got used to it. We made it work. And then we decided that we’d like some sort of a life. It no longer made sense to have a family that wasn’t together. The time sacrifice became too much. So we uprooted our lives. T got a new job at a company that believes in “family first”. We moved across the country so we could live near some of our family.

I have to tell you, this summer was amazing. To have breakfast, lunch and dinner with my husband EVERYDAY felt like a gift. To see him at 10:30am when he popped down for another cup of coffee was a treat everyday. To see T relaxed and enjoying life made me cry almost daily (granted I was pregnant at the time). The difference in the quality of our life was unfathomable. We felt like we knew what it was like to be a family for the first time. Our children had their father in their lives on a regular basis. Their relationship’s with him flourished. I had my husband back. We had quiet moments and actually laughed and really talked. A lot. And then, WHAM! A project at work got way out of control and took over our lives. T started spending more and more time in his office. He’s worked every evening and way into the night lately. One night last week between him working and me getting up with the baby we spent exactly one hour in bed together the entire night. It feels like deja vu except this time we have a newborn.

After tasting what life can be like, this Aunt Jemima version of it pretty much sucks. It’s a very distant second choice. I can’t wait for Tuesday morning when the deadline has passed and we have the man we love and miss back again. About 39 hours to go…

car conversation

G: BREAK IT DOWN, DOOOODE!
T: (laughing) Where did you learn that?
G: You know, from the rock stars.
T: What rock stars? (whispering to me, “Does she know what a rock star is?)
G: The ones that PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR (and then she breaks into a song she made up about partying like a rock star complete with air drums and head banging).

And then N requested a song by Bonnet.
T: Who?
N: Bonnet, the singer.
T: I don’t know who you mean.
N: You know that guy in that band that does the song about his dad? That band you listen to.
T: I still don’t know.
N: The band I like who sing that song.
And then it registers that he likes to listen to U2 in the van (you know, when he’s not listening to Mississippi by the Red Hot Chill Peppers).
T: Do you mean Bono?
N: Yeah, Bonnet.
T: It’s Bon-ooooooooooooo.
He looks on his ipod and puts on “Sometimes you can’t make it on your own”.
N: That’s the song I wanted. I like Bonnet.

Our children are SO random!

loophole

Ever since my kids went trick-or-treating on Wednesday night they have asked me every 2.2 seconds if they can have a “treaty”. I feel like some kind of slimy dealer when they flop around on the ground in front of me begging for their next fix. N even offered to do all of my chores today if I would please, please give him just one little candy. G swears that they help her behave.

Yesterday on the way home from school N asked if he could have some candy when he got home. I told him that he could have 2 things. He ran in, quickly performed his after school obligations (put bag, jacket and shoes away, agenda and lunch on counter, change clothes and wash hands) and then ran to his candy. I wasn’t really paying attention at until I noticed a pile of wrappers on the floor. This is our conversation:
R: What on earth are you doing?
N: Eating.
R: I thought I told you two things?
N: This is two things.
R: Then why are there a million wrappers on the floor?
N: Cause these bags (holding up 2 Halloween loot-bag like things) were full. You said two things so I picked two of these.
R: I was thinking more along the lines of two pieces of candy…

Apparently I need to be more specific, however, I applaud his obvious effort and appropriate use of “The Loophole”. A boy after his mother’s heart!

Today after lunch N asked for some candy. I looked at him and said, “you may have 2 individual pieces of candy, chocolate bars or suckers. You may not have two or even one entire treat bag. Got it?”. He agreed and then spent quite a while sorting through his loot. After a few minutes he came back to the table with one sucker and one FULL SIZED Toblerone bar that our next door neighbour gave him (they bought our kids special candy).

Score: N and his loopholes = 2
Mommy and her stupid rules = 0

a thank you

Dear odd early hours,

T, the kids and I would like to thank you very much for your recent kindness. We so appreciate you taking my letter into consideration. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was not to have to deal with any of you the last two nights. It was thoughtful of you to send only your cousin 4am to check up on us. That guy, he’s ok. We can handle him. For a while anyway.

Just in case you have disappeared with the intention of building my hopes only to dash them in a couple of nights, I’d like to offer you some incentive to stay away. You can have all of my kids Halloween candy. Not just the crappy no name brand chips and sickly sweet mushy marshmallow things. I mean ALL of it. I think that would be a win for both of us. You’d have some treats to distract you when you feel the need to come out and play and I won’t have to listen to the sound of my kids blood sugar crashing an hour after they sneak 10 chocolate bars before breakfast. Cool?

With kind regards,

Rachel