Lost: sanity, patience and sense of humour. Reward if found.

Yesterday afternoon I had a moment where I swear I felt my brain snap like a rubber band. N was whimpering because he was feeling (understandably) crappy, G was fake crying because her lego tower fell over and that made her throat hurt and then her mean Mommy wouldn’t let her have ice cream or a popsicle and baby J was crying because someone burnt toast in China and it upset him. All of a sudden my overload buttons started flashing and I wanted to run out of our house and hide for a week.

Most of the time I can roll with the chaos that is our life but every now and then it becomes too much and something needs to give. We have been so busy lately and as I look forward to the rest of the month it only gets busier. It’s all good stuff but it’s too much when combined together. Kind of like a chocolate lava cake. I love them warm from the oven with a little whipping cream or ice cream but if you layer on both plus chocolate sauce and raspberry coulis, it turns something delicious into a diabetic coma.

I’m not usually one to moan to everyone I talk to about how tired I am and how much things suck (unless someone who gets 10 hours of sleep a night complains to me about how exhausted they are… then I might snap a little and make sarcastic comments). I tend to go more into bull dozer mode and just try to plow through everything. I get more focused and my sense of humour vanishes like dark chocolate when I’m PMSing. Just get ‘er done! Everyone clears a path for me when I get like this. I don’t mean to be so intense. I just don’t know how to deal with it all and maintain my June Cleaver manners.

Right now I am overwhelmed. I can’t tell you how sick I am of being pawed at, drooled on, hung off of and whined to at all hours of the day and night. The neediness of my children, the little favours people are asking me to do for them and the mounting tasks that need to be done for Christmas (which is another post in itself… the level of insanity Christmas has reached) are making me go crazy. I just want to organize my fruit cellar for once and for all so I can find something when I need it. Is that too much to ask?

Probably more than anything I am so overwhelmed by how things have gone with baby J. At first we thought he was a laid back kid. He slept well and ate like a champ. He still eats like a champ (all day and all night) but everything else has changed. He doesn’t sleep well. He is very sensitive and temperamental. Loud noises bother him. He doesn’t like change, chaos, new people etc. etc. He likes it best when he is alone with Mommy being held at an 87.2 degree angle. I never know what is going to upset him. Maybe it’s his teeth? Maybe he’s got gas? Maybe someone in Germany dropped a beer stein and it scared him? I am sick of feeling like I need to make excuses for why he is crying this time. I wish that he would let other people hold him more often. I wish he didn’t scream so much. I wish I felt like I could put him down to cry for a bit but it just makes him scream louder and takes more effort later. I really wish I could enjoy more of my time with him and that I had more time to spend with my other two kids. I wish I got more sleep and that things were easier. I love this baby so much. He is delightful and wonderful. I love his smiles and sweet little baby coo’s. I love his fat thighs, chubby toes and sparkly blue eyes. I even love that he is sensitive and very much his own person. I really don’t want to change him, I just want to know how to be his Mommy in a way that doesn’t suck the marrow from my bones.

test Filed under A time to cry, Me, me, me, me |