punked?

Dear Children,

Am I being punked this week? It sure feels like it.

At first I thought it was a coincidence that you were all acting up at the same time. On Monday I thought you guys were exhausted from the busy weekend. My excuse for you on Tuesday was that you were tired from staying for lunch at school and not eating enough. Then Wednesday rolled around and brought with it a fresh batch of misery. That’s when I started to get suspicious.

I’m wondering when you hold your secret planning meetings? Do you meet at night when Daddy and I are sleeping? Who chairs those meetings? Maybe you meet by the water fountain at school, make your plans and then bring your brother up to speed when you get home? I’m really curious.

I’m thinking it goes something like this: “Things have been running too smoothly around here lately. It’s time to SHAKE it up and turn the house upside down. We need to band together and tag team if we are going to make this happen. Mr. Baby, you need to start waking up yelling at 5:45. As soon as Mom crawls back into bed, G and Tuck will start a fight in the bathroom. Then they need to keep fighting over EVERY.LITTLE.THING.FOR.AS.LONG.AS.POSSIBLE. Got that? FIGHT LOTS. And don’t forget to cry. Especially at bedtime. We all need to have HUGE flailing temper tantrums every night for absolutely no reason. Refuse to brush your teeth. Cry when you have to wear long sleeved pj’s but then cry harder if they let you change them. Cry about everything! What else? Oh, yeah! Mom hates it when we don’t eat. Let’s all go on a total food strike! Refuse to eat anything, especially our favourites. Got all that? Don’t sleep, don’t eat, temper tantrums, make messes, fight lots. Goooooooo team!”.

However it goes down, I’M ON TO YOU! The next time you hold one of your little meetings you better remind yourselves who knows where the stash of Halloween candy is…

Lots of love,

Mom

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