dream

I like to dream. I always have. In many ways, dreams keep me going. They propel me forward and give me hope. I find inspiration in my dreams and a sense of promise for the future.

Last week I realized that as well as dreams, I’ve got a lot of fears. That surprised me. I’m not what I would describe as a fearful person yet in many areas of my life, I am afraid. I’m afraid every time I head out for a run. What if I can’t do it? What if I’m the slowest and hold everyone back? What if this never gets easier? I’m afraid when I meet new people. What if I say something stupid? What if they don’t like me? I’m afraid to step into one of my dreams and call myself a photographer. What if people don’t like my work? What if I disappoint? What if I can’t live up to my own RIDICULOUSLY high standards?

My fears are heavy weights to carry. They hold me back and drain the hope from my dreams. God has planted dreams in my heart. He has given me gifts and abilities but I don’t really know how to use them because too often, I have been afraid to try. To risk. To step out. To look foolish. To disappoint someone - to disappoint myself. That’s not how I want to live. I don’t want to wade in the kiddie pool when there is an ocean to swim in. I don’t want to tell God that the dreams he gave me were just too darn big! I don’t want to live a safe, boring life and end up wondering what could have been.

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way He loves me…
(from How He loves by Kim Walker)

The winds of change are blowing in my life. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

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