help or hindrance?
Since about 3:00 yesterday afternoon it has snowed six inches. Currently, my children and one of their friends are lying face down in the snow so they can lick it. Hopefully they don’t come across any yellow patches! This morning I have been walking around the disaster I call home wondering where on earth to begin. Should I try to find my kitchen counter so I can make lunch and clutter it again in an hour? Should I tidy the playroom so my inlaws don’t stub their toes on trains when they arrive tonight? Or should I just sit here and blog?
I had a lazy day yesterday and did pretty much jack. Today I’ll have to more than double my efforts since pretty much everything needs to be done. Kinda makes that little day off seem rather pointless, doesn’t it? I hate that much of what I do around here is only noticed when I don’t.
I’ve been starting to give my kids little chores to do. My son is nearing 5 and is fully capable of helping out. We recently gave him the job of letting the dog out when he wakes up in the morning. He seems to like having some responsibility. He also helps me set the table for meals and empty the dishwasher. He likes to hand me dishes or cutlery in sets of 3. It’s kind of funny! Both of my kids have to carry their plates and cups to the dishwasher when they are finished a meal.
G see’s N doing little jobs and wants to help to. I’ve been trying to think of things I can get her to help with. Right now I get her to do stuff like put things like putting the recycling into the bins, picking up her toys and folding socks when I do laundry. She is only 2 1/2 but she loves to help. It’s funny how much she imitates my role already. She is by nature more nurturing than N (although he is a remarkably caring and thoughtful little boy). They both like to play house but G takes it to a different level. She sets up tea parties for her babies, puts them to bed and even nurses them. The other day she had a dolly in a highchair. G told me that, “baby hungry but gonna have to wait a bit cause I need to make all her food”. She then pretended to cook some vegetables on her kitchen set’s stove and then grind them up like I used to do for my babies! I seriously don’t think my kids know that it is possible to buy baby food in a jar.
Watching my daugher makes me think about my role here at home. We have a pretty traditional set up. My husband has a good job that enables me to be home with the kids. I run a day home three days a week to help supplement our income. I make enough to make a difference but I have the opportunity to be home. I didn’t have an amazing career that I left behind when I had N. If I had had a job that paid enough to make it worthwhile and enabled me to work 2-3 days a week, I likely would have gone back to work. As it was, my job wasn’t worth returning to. I like this one a lot better. Frankly, with my husbands hours and relative lack of flexibility when he is busy at work, I have no idea who would keep this ship afloat if I was working outside our home. As it is I can barely keep up! I can’t imagine trying to cram time with the kids, cleaning, cooking, laundry, groceries etc. into a couple of days a week. I really admire household’s where both parents work outside of the home and they are able to keep it all together. I think that I would likely have a nervous breakdown!
I sometimes wonder what kind of an effect me being home has on our children. I know without a doubt that in many senses they are better for me being here. They like that their Mom is here to care for them during the day. I make their meals, drive them to classes, read to them and help them to form what will one day become their worldview’s. Not that I couldn’t do those things if I worked outside of our home, however, I feel that I have more opportunities to guide their activities, behaviour, development and choice’s because I am here. The thing I wonder about the most is what kind of an impact it will have on my daughter. (For now) I have given up the opportunity to have a career and to finish my Master’s degree. I know that I have many years once my kids are older to do these things. My kids will only be young once. I know that I won’t look back and regret giving up some of my “good” years to build a foundation for our children. I wonder though if putting my life on hold will have a negative impact on G’s hopes and dreams. I don’t want her to ever limit her potential because I have inadvertantly shown her that is what she needs to do as a woman. I want her to be able to choose her future and not feel that she has to stay home because that was the example I gave her. More than anything, I pray that both of my children will feel loved and be able to fully embrace their personalities and ablilities and walk the path they were born to.
Filed under Family, Ya, I really do think… | Comment (0)real “religion”
I am a Christian. I always hestitate to say that because of the automatic assumptions that people make about me and my faith. They categorize me as either an uneducated fool who is stupid enough to believe in God, a zealot who runs around judging people and screaming about all the things I am against or they watch closely until I display my humanity and then call me a hypocrite. I hate being put under these labels and being judged based on every other Christian they have met (which could be good or bad). I am not a fool nor a zealot. I am embarassed that most of the Christians we see in the media are either lame, naive women in frumpy clothes or lunatics who think spewing hate is an acceptable way to demonstrate their faith. I can’t stand the “reality” shows that have the token Christian who ineviably shoots his/her mouth off or acts like a total idiot “proving” to the audience that Christianity is indeed a joke (Case in point: the Mom, daughter and son team who lost their husband/father in a race car accident on The Amazing Race. They made me cringe to the point I couldn’t watch anymore). I think that Christians have brought much of North America’s opinion of them and their faith on themselves. I am guilty. I am a “normal” person who is trying to live the best life I know how but I am usually quiet about my faith. I need to share my passion more. I think it is important to stand up and give voice to my beliefs. That might mean talking to my son’s teacher about the witch chants they are learning in their Halloween unit, writing to my MLA to encouage political bills that are in line with my beliefs or giving more money to organizations like this and this. But it also means quietly living out my faith by telling my neighbours why we carved a dove in one of our pumpkins at Halloween (to represent the Holy Spirit’s presence in our home) when they ask about it, telling a friend who is hurting that I will pray for her as well as offering my shoulder or leaving on the kids praise music we were having a dance party to (my son’s favourite activity) when the parents of my day home kids show up. I need to make God a more usual and normal part of my life. I really think that if more Christians like my friends and I gave voice to our faith that more people would see it in a positive light. Not that we are perfect examples of Christianity, just that we are rather normal people. We aren’t freaks. We love God and choose to follow the Bible. I swear, I don’t even own a flowered dress, particularly one my daughter has the match to!
Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. (1 Peter 3:15 NLT)
Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick.
(1 Peter 3:15 The Message)
The reality of my life is that I have a deep faith in God. I believe in the entirity of the Bible, even the parts that are hard to swallow. I don’t think you can say you believe something and then pick and choose the best, easiest or most convient parts to follow. It’s all or nothing. I also believe that Jesus died on the cross as he said he did and that I can have an actual relationship with him. He is much more to me than a wise Prophet or historical figure. He is truly my friend, my guide and my example. I strive to be like him but I don’t always do a very good job of it. I have gotten to a place in my life where I just don’t care if people think that is crazy. I expect adults to be past the point of mocking one another for their beliefs. At 30+ I left Jr. High behind me long ago and I just don’t feel like going back there.
I guess the questions becomes, “so what?”. What difference does this faith that I have make in my life? How does it impact me as a person, my family, my friends and neighbours, the people I come in contact with and the world around me? How does it show in my worldview and, therefore, my actions? I have been convicted lately by the complacancy of my actions or more honestly, lack thereof. It is important to study the Bible and to pray. This is what helps me know God’s heart and what his will for my life is. But all that knowledge is just knowledge unless I transfer it into action. When I stand before Christ I want to be able to look him in the eye and know that I didn’t waste my life. I don’t want to hang my head in shame and regret. When my deeds are tested in fire, will they burn up like wood and ash or will they survive like stone and brick? I know that my faith has helped me to be a better wife and mother. It has also made me a better family member and friend. As a person I try to live by Micah 6:8, justly, mercifully and humbly. I am trying to live up to my word and to let it dependable. The thing that is lacking in my life is reaching out beyond my comfort zone to help others.
James 1:27 says, “Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world (The Message). Does my life pass muster before God? I don’t think so. My challenge this week is to reach out and to give a cup of water in the name of Jesus. (”This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice.” Matthew 10:42, The Message). That is what will speak to the world about the incredible, unending love of Jesus. His compassion and mercy are unmatched. His grace is endless. Why would I ever hide that?
Filed under Humanitarian efforts, Ya, I really do think… | Comment (0)far, far away
T and I live pretty far away from all of our extended family. We are a 7 hour drive from his family and about 3800 km from my family (which translates into a 4 1/2 hour flight costing roughly $2000 to get our whole family there). We have good friends here but we are starting to feel like our kids are really missing out. When we get to spend time with our family we see how our kids flourish. They just soak up the love that their grandparents, aunts and uncles pour out on them. Our friends are great but it’s not like they are longing to spend time with our kids the way our families are. They have kids of their own and have no burning desire to take N our for hot chocolate or have a tea party with G.
Last June we visited my family for my brother’s wedding. One day N spent the afternoon with my brother and his wife. When N came back he came up to me and said, “Mom, I feel so special. They really, really love me”. It drove home to me how much my kids are missing out on by not being surrounded by their extended family’s love. Both sides of our family are so good to our kids and treat them incredibly well (it helps that they are the only grandchildren/nephew and neice on both sides!). I feel badly for our kids, our families and ourselves for living so far away. We are all missing out. I wish so much for Sunday dinner’s, casual drop in’s, my Mom’s couch, an evening alone with my husband, a weekend at the cottage with my siblings and the kids. I often feel an emptiness here that I can’t seem to fill.
I have to wonder, are we harming our kids in a way by living so far away? Would we be happier if we had our family near by? Would they? Would our kids? Have we made a big mistake raising them here?
Filed under Family, Ya, I really do think… | Comment (0)learning
1. Live with a clear conscience.
2. Walk in grace.
3. Live openly, authentically and in a way that desires other’s highest good.
4. Let my word be dependable.
5. Do my part and don’t force others.
Confidence.
Truth.
Can’t really go wrong with these.
Filed under Me, me, me, me, Ya, I really do think… | Comment (0)