him

This is the man I love.

His name is Tim. He said I could tell you that.

When I was a teenager, lying on the floor of my friend’s bedrooms, starting wistfully at NKOTB posters, dreaming of my future husband, he is not the man I imagined. He has the dark hair, piercing eyes and flirty way that always charmed me but in most other respects, he is different than I expected.

All of those midnight’s spent conjuring up a fictional future were dreams of a white dress, of grand gestures and perfect moments. I imagined poems & songs written for me, a life of ease and near constant bliss. In my youth, I couldn’t conceive of what 15 years of life together would look like. I had no idea how beautiful and sometimes, how desperately ugly our life would be. There was a white dress, a few grand gestures and many perfect moments. But even those moments, most cherished in my heart look differently than I imagined. I treasure my mental images of our heads thrown back, laughing until we cried (or I peed my pants!), tender words whispered in the dark & dreams, long imagined coming to be. But they also include tears, slippery babies still wet from my womb (and then nights, long nights holding those babies), laughter at things only we could understand, raw, vulnerable moments when I bared my soul and he looked into my eyes and kept right on loving me. Moments where we raged and ranted until we were bleary eyed and hoarse but chose to keep on. Days we didn’t know how we were going to do tomorrow but still said yes to our future and to the promises of the past. Those are the moments I hold most closely in my heart and the times I am most proud of us. Those are the things I could not image when I was fifteen.

I had no idea how he would become my rock. How the flirty guy with the bluest eyes would become a man of great strength and character. How leaning into him, breathing in the scent of him and listening to his heart beat would steady me. How I would long for his presence. How completely entwined the threads of our lives would become as years passed and babies were born, homes bought and sold, jobs lost and businesses started. How he would love me and hurt me and change me and more than anything, make me proud to be his wife and share his name.

Not every day is perfect. In fact, very few are. He’s never written me a song and our life is more chaotic than blissful but I am thankful for it. Grateful to the core of my being. I have a love that has become a rarity.

I love you Tim- then, now, always.

away

Mr. T and I went away this weekend WITHOUT the children. It was lovely. Mr. T is still recovering from pneumonia so it was a pretty low key weekend. Just what we needed really. We started with massages at the spa on Friday afternoon. That set the tone for our weekend. Chilled out. We had lots of good food and wine, a few short adventures, naps and best of all, uninterrupted time together. It was so wonderful to have a conversation at 11 in the morning that didn’t involve the din of our kids in the background (or right in our faces as is often the case). I do so enjoy that husband of mine!

This is the only picture I took this weekend (and I don’t know why it’s so small). This was taken out of our hotel window.

Sometimes my family gets sick of me always having a camera in front my face. This weekend I wanted to just be in our moments without feeling like I had to capture images of them. Instead, I took mental snapshots all weekend - little pictures that will live in my memories. Thanks for a great weekend Mr. T. and thank you to my parents for looking after the kids. You had 3 kids so you know how great it is to get away from it all for a few days.

Friday

Mr. T took the day off today. Except for our summer holidays, this is the first weekday he has taken off since we started our company. Crazy, I know!

We had a day that can only be described as lovely. It was rather ordinary in many ways but we were together ALL DAY and that, my friends, is a treat. We began our day with coffee and tea. Then I got to shower without a small hooligan rearranging the bathroom cupboards. Next we worked over Costco. It was so nice to walk the aisles hand in hand, laughing at the antics of our little one (who’s curls were in FULL EFFECT and caused quite a stir along the way). We bought Christmas presents, running gear, groceries. We found vanilla beans for crazy cheap! A birthday present for our oldest… I think we might have to talk to the bank about skipping our next mortgage payment (kidding, Dad!).

Young Bucky fell asleep on the way home (total strategy) so we got to eat lunch together. The first time we sat down. And no one spilled their milk or complained about their bread or fell off their chair. And no one wanted to share- until we got to dessert. Mr. T and I split the rest of my birthday cake right off the serving platter. SO GOOD!

All that chocolate made me tired so I had a nap. BLISS! Mr. T picked up the kids from school and then took them all out in the car so I could keep sleeping. You see why I like having him around?

We liked our Friday so much that we are planning to have a pajama day tomorrow. Can’t wait!

always

My love,

You are the very best of men. I am more in love with you today than ever before.

Always,

Rachel

day 2

Dear Mr. T,

Was it really only yesterday morning that you left? It feels like at least a week. I miss you so much and the hole that you left is growing by the day. Boo-hoo-hoo!

The good news is that after the WORST. DAY. EVER. yesterday, today was a much better day. Not perfect (there was the colouring all over the tile at the back door 1.2 seconds after getting home from school incident and the random, stupid fall that left me with a golf ball sized lump under my elbow) but definitely good. Mr. Baby and I had a long tickle/wrestling session where he would push me over and then jump on top of me and laugh really, really hard. It was a lot of fun and I didn’t even mind that he got snot all over my freshly washed, black sweatshirt.

After school the kids walked home without fighting or dragging their feet and crying. Tuck did kick every single lump of snow between the school and our house but that was ok with me. Once the aforementioned crayon was cleaned up, they settled in and actually ATE the snack I made WITHOUT complaining. AND then they got ready for skating without any fighting or other ridiculous nonsense. We even made it to class on time with the right skates, mittens and extra snacks. Is it too early to hope that we are turning a corner?

After skating I treated the kiddies to Greek food. It was so much fun to sit and laugh with them over dinner. While we were talking, I discovered that Tuck is learning social studies in math class (I confirmed that and yes, it seems that social studies is a new mathematical technique), Beauty sometimes turns into a Barbie at lunch recess and her hair grows really, really long and that saying, “Oh my God how I love you” is the only time you are allowed to say OMG. Like I said, funny! While we were talking and giggling, Mr. Baby peppered the conversation with shouts of, “moooor” (meaning give me some fries woman!).

I had an equally amusing time when I tucked the kids in to bed tonight. Tuck and I made up a story about two Jedi Knights named Dr. Bum and Professor Fart which had him dissolving into one of his amazing giggle fits. I love when that kid laughs! Later I made up a song for Beauty that goes like this:

Pee goes in the toilet.
Pee goes in the toilet.
Not in your bed
and not on your head.
Not on the stairs
and not on Mommy’s chairs.
Not on the floors
and not in your drawers.
Pee goes in the toilet.

Even if you are rolling your eyes, it made her laugh!

It is late and I need to drag myself upstairs to our FREEZING cold bedroom (we seriously need to do something about that). I love you and miss you.

Always,

Rachel

P.S. Here is a rumpled baby and snow eating older brother.

day one

Dear Mr. T,

Right now you are on an airplane bound for the mountains, friends I miss and dreamy vanilla croissants (2 of which I hope will find their way home to me). I’m kind of jealous.

Last night after we chatted I had a glass of wine and some of those yummy dark chocolates you bought me. I think they will get me through the week just fine! The kids all slept really well and are in much better form this morning. I, however, slept like crap. Even though I was in bed by 10:20, I didn’t fall asleep until well after 1:00. Between the snow driving against our bedroom windows, the noises I only notice when you are gone and feeling incredibly COLD, I just couldn’t sleep. What’s a girl to do without her human blanket?

While you were boarding the plane this morning, I was extracting Mr. Baby from p.j.’s full of yesterday’s chili. I’m now reconsidering the leftovers I was planning for supper tonight! Now Tuck is at school, Beauty is reading book after book and Mr. Baby is sleeping.

We are well fed.

Rested.

Ready to tackle the day.

Today we are going to bake some Amish friendship bread. Wash diapers. Shovel the driveway. Make an advent wreath to replace the rather cheesy one I threw together last night.

Do some couch style Christmas shopping (I have my magic wand handy so everything will be free).

Watch the snow fall.

Count down the days until you get home.

I love you.

Always,

Rachel

love letter

Dear Mr. T (that’s what I’m going to call you here if you don’t mind- and I hope you don’t because I find it very amusing!),

This morning I would like to tell you some of the many reasons why I love you.

I love you because you instinctively roll over to warm me up after I’ve been up with one of the children at night. You are my human blanket.

Because you change diapers without making a big freaking deal about it (except that time a certain little boy peed right in your MOUTH while you were cooing at him! Or the time his big brother EXPLODED all over you, the walls and the furniture). Thanks for just making that something we both do.

I love you because you explain things patiently to our kids and help them to really understand even when it makes the job ten times longer.

I love you because you can cook better than Gordan Ramsay or Jamie Oliver and you look cute in a red apron. I love that you try to wash up as you go, that you are way more apt to clean the stove than me and that you always sharpen the knives.

Because you have never referred to the time you spend alone with our children as babysitting. Not to mention that you take our kids out so I can sleep in peace or have some alone time.

I love you because you have arranged your work schedule so that I can volunteer in our kids classrooms. I also love that it’s as important to you as it is to me and that you will go in my place if I can’t make it.

I love you because even after all these years, you still surprise me. Watching you rap to Beastie Boys the other night was one of the GREATEST and FUNNIEST things I’ve ever seen. It was totally worth every penny you’ve ever spent on Rock Band (but I still don’t think you need a wireless guitar).

I could go on and on because there are so many things I love about you. Mostly, I just love waking up next to you every morning knowing that we have one more day to spend together.

You are my rock.

And you are HOT!

ironic

T (looking at our baby): I just don’t get this little guys personality.
Me: What do you mean?
T: He seems so laid back but he is so unbelievably stubborn.
Me: Annnnnnnnnnnnnd YOU find that confusing?

same title as 23 million other bloggers today

Dear Valentine,

I remember the first time I saw your face. I snuck in late to a session at school and ended up sitting next to you. When I sat down, you turned and smiled at me. I had never seen anyone with such blue eyes (I know, I know you were tired or facing a window or something). Truth be told I was smitten right then even though I wouldn’t admit it for months and months.

Can you believe it has been over thirteen years since that day? The truly amazing thing is how someone as young as I at the time could have made such a wise choice in saying yes to forever with you. My Love, you are a consistent, dependable rock. You are strong, kind, forgiving, tender, honest, patient and faithful. I loved you when you were a young man and you captured my heart. Now it goes way beyond love. You are woven into the very fabric of my being. You bring me joy and have given me a life far beyond that which I dreamed.

When you asked me to marry you that day in the park, did you even come close to imagining what our lives would be like? With the being so broke in the early days, and the fighting and making up and the moving of provinces… twice, the birthing of three children, the highs, the lows, the family dramas, the endless nights and the seemingly endless poop (did I mention I caught some in my hand this morning to save a borrowed
sleeper?)! I could only have done it all with you. And we laughed though most of it (except about the things that are VERY, VERY serious and must never be laughed at…ha!).

I am so looking forward to what comes next!

Always,

Rachel

999

Quick! Someone dial 999. My husband, he’s got a man cold…

(FYI, he’s not getting a bell.)