I’m alive! I’m alive!

You have no idea how many great posts I have written recently. They were eloquent, funny, touching… brilliant really. The problem is they only lived in my head. Considering I can’t remember what I am doing from one second to the next, all those fabulous posts joined my other lost thoughts and escaped my brain. Apparently my mind is not a happy place to reside right now!

I really want to start posting again so I am just going to start typing and see what comes out. I need to take a bit of time for me and empty my head. I’m hoping that if I create some space in there that the important thoughts like paying my bills on time will stay there!

I have been up since 4:30 this morning after a lovely 4 hours of broken sleep. J has been having a major developmental spurt over the last week or so and has been sleeping rather poorly. When I don’t sleep well for a while (say since May) I tend to get insomnia. I just lay there hoping to sleep when I am so tired and desperately need it. This is how the night went:
11:15 finally get to sleep after very long, long day.
1:20 Nurse baby who falls back to sleep in 15 minutes.
2:00ish Fall back to sleep.
4:14 J Nurse baby, change diaper, sooth, console and rock until he falls asleep around 5ish
5:00 Lay awake staring at the baby in the dark. Think about how cute he is, how much I miss my husband (who has been away since Saturday), make a list of things I need to do tomorrow etc.
5:15 Hear daughter in the bathroom and go see what she is doing (she was wearing a washable “pull up” of sorts and had saturated it and her bed). Change her, clean up mess, put her back to bed)
5:30 Fall back into bed and try to sleep
6:00 Just as I am almost asleep hear daughter bang open our bedroom door and announce that she wants to sleep with me. Move baby to other side of bed, tell her she can sleep with Mommy if she is quiet and actually sleeps and then close my eyes.
6:30 Finally send daughter back to her bed because she is constantly moving, moaning and talking.
6:45 Daughter bangs door open again and announces she wants to watch tv RIGHT NOW. Send her back to her room. Quickly jump out of bed and deal with her temper tantrum and try not to have one myself. Head back to bed where baby is stirring. Pray he goes back to sleep. He does!
7:15 Get startled awake by son who bangs door open to see if I”m awake. Pretend to be asleep. Listen to son and daughter go downstairs to watch tv. Try to sleep.
7:30 Hear baby waking just as I’m falling asleep. Give up. Nurse baby. Change diaper. Go downstairs and make breakfast.
Since then I’ve cleaned the house, put away a mountain of laundry, done 2 more loads, reorganized G’s drawers, bathed the baby, made lunch for my sister and I, made supper, picked up N from school, etc, etc. Now I’m really tired, my house is still a mess (how does that happen?), there is still 3 loads of laundry to do (I swear it multiplies) and I really want a nap. Instead I made a cup of tea, read to my kids, made them popcorn and sat down to write this boring post.

I can’t wait for T to get home. I miss him. The kids miss him. He is one of the few people who actually cares how freaking tired I am and how hard this has been. He knows what a struggle this year has been and how much I have put into keeping our family running through all of our changes. He knows what it has been like to adjust to having 3 kids and living on a newborn’s schedule. He is my safe place and it has really sucked not having him around. I just really want to feel his arms around me and know that it will be ok. Hurry home.

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i concur

Whenever my husband solves a difficult problem, be it at work or around the house he will stand up, raise both arms in the air and loudly declare, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am a genius”. Most of the time when T does this I just roll my eyes and laugh a bit. After this weekend, I must admit, I agree.

We were going to go to the cottage this weekend but since I’ve been feeling so tired and we still have so much to do around here we decided to stay home. T made it his mission to get as much done as possible. I have to say, I am impressed. Since yesterday he has installed 2 chandaliers, put in a new thermostat and hood fan, cleaned and sprayed down the fruit cellar with Concrobium (here’s a shout out for mold control!), done the yard work, pulled down the Christmas lights hanging from our deck, unplugged a particularly gross toilet without a plunger, fixed my cutlery trays to fit our new drawer, hung a bunch of pictures, fixed a broken socket and set up the composter. He also took the kids to the park and made curry from scratch tonight. Now he is mashing up the spices for Green Curry in the mortar and pestal. Me thinks he is unstoppable.

Thank you T.

I love you.

And yes, you are a genius!

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